For those serious about building their self confidence I have put together 10 ‘commandments’ that you must observe and work towards living if you want to experience true self expression.
I want them to inspire you to BE more than do… I cover a lot of things you can do to become self confident but at the heart of all that doing is YOU and if you want people to experience self confidence emanating from you then there is more to get done than just “doing”!
Here are what I see as 10 things that I had to do in order to build self confidence from within:
Be loyal to your commitment to become self confident. Don’t desire but take no action. Don’t talk but never do. You owe yourself this gift of being able to live your life the way you want to live without fear and without limits. I know that building your self confidence will help you do that because it helped me. But I had to be loyal enough to myself to do the work needed to make it happen.
Let go of beliefs that you are not as pretty, intelligent and capable as the people around you. Instead remember something I was told – whatever you see in others is within you but you don’t acknowledge it.
You are as good as everyone else and you are certainly no better than anyone. We are all the same with different strengths and weaknesses. Just because someone can draw better than you can that does not make that person better than you!
Also give up false worship. If you look at the life of a celebrity and wish that was you, give it up. You only serve to frustrate yourself and limit your own self confidence when you walk around wishing you were taller, slimmer, richer – instead take active steps towards becoming what you believe is great in other people.
Develop a deep respect for yourself. Put boundaries in place that will let people know how you want to be treated and speak up when your boundaries have been over stepped. No one will love you as much as you can so treat yourself with deep respect.
Honour yourself and believe you are worth it, because you truly are and even if you don’t believe that right now as you build your self confidence you will begin to feel reverence for yourself.
There is no greater relationship than the one you have with yourself. Commit to developing a better one if you currently don’t think much of yourself and learn to understand your feelings and why you do the things you do. Build a relationship with yourself so that when you do or say things that are not aligned with the confident you that you want to experience you can learn from it.
When you have a close relationship with yourself you will find that changing your life becomes so much easier and you are not as hard on yourself as you used to be.
5. Respect Yourself
Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself well. Define what respect means to you. Write out all the things you are great at doing. Focus on the experiences of that past that you have overcome. Even making the decision to build your self confidence is something you should be proud of so respect yourself for being brave enough to do something to change your life.
6. Respect Others
Being self confident is about having respect for other people. You know the old saying about treating people the way you want to be treated – well that is relevant here. If you are known for your temper or for being rude (and you know you are – see commandment 9 below) then work on those parts of yourself so that you can approach other people with more respect.
Respect must be earned by others, it is not something that should be immediately given to you and it comes from treating other people well. Mother Theresa never expected respect but she had it because of who she was.
Learn to say what you mean and mean what you say. Being whole and undivided means you must work towards only acting based on who you say you want to be.
If you say you want to believe you are as good as other people but you walk around putting yourself down and telling other people how great they are then you are out of integrity with yourself.
If you say you want to stop living in fear about being single and then you spend all your time on the phone talking to a friend about how lonely you are and about how scared you are that you will never find someone, you are out of integrity with yourself. Be mindful of what you say you want and what you are doing in your life.
This may take some time to master but that’s okay because time is something you have. Whenever you hear yourself speaking out of alignment or feel yourself feeling in a way that you no longer wish to stop yourself and do or say something that empowers you.
You may want to have an affirmation ready to repeat at times when you are being out of integrity with yourself as a way to keep you moving towards what it is you say you want.
Let people know what you need and how you feel. You might not always like their answer or their response but at least you will have spoken your truth. Being self expressed is not about pushing your opinions on other people but more about authentically sharing where you are and how you feel.
When you can do that with people you will experience a deep feeling of strength that will truly amaze you.
This is something you need to experience to truly appreciate and you experience it only when you are honest with people.
Be truthful with yourself because you will never get to the heart of what needs to change if you aren’t. The truth hurts but I want to let you know that you really are strong enough to handle it.
If you are completing exercises or writing in your journal be honest with yourself about why your life is the way it is now.
Be honest with yourself about the limits you place on yourself and why they are there. The first two steps towards building your self confidence is awareness and acknowledgement. You can only become aware of what is in the way if you are truthful enough to look within for it.
Don’t go after things because other people have it. Believe me there is enough research out there that shows “stuff” doesn’t play the part you think it will in making you happy.
It is great to want to have more in your life and expect better for yourself but you must first be focused on what you are content with in your life right now. Just wanting something because someone else has it or because you think it will make your life better is wasted energy.
Learn to look around you and within you and be happy with who you are now with an understanding that you know there is more you can do, and more you can be.
There is a fine line between improving your life and wishing your life was different to what it is and when you appreciate the difference you will understand contentment.
You don’t have to wait until you get your fancy car, or the man of your dreams to be happy, you can choose to be happy right now in this moment even if your life isn’t the way you want it to be.
Building self confidence takes commitment from within not just from doing exercises and other external activities. As you begin to feel and build confidence you will find it easier to make things happen.