The new excitement of a personal relationship

I have started seeing someone – it’s more than dating but too early to call it more than dating 🙂

Everyone tells me how wonderful it is and everyone tells me how great it is for me (you deserve it, he’s a lucky man etc) … and it truly is…. wonderful….BUT (there is always a BUT….!) I want to get to the long term point….

I want Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. I want to know that in 10 years time I will look at him and still find my heart racing and my loins stirring 🙂

I want to know exactly how to make him laugh when he is down, how to work through arguments and cook his favourite food (and I hate cooking!)

I want to be close to his children and go out shopping with his daughter and I want my boys picking him up in their car to go see his favourite football (soccer) team.

New is great but in my book highly over rated. Everyone and anyone can do new…. but how many of us can do long term?

My first relationship lasted 15 years and I swore I would never do long term again but something has shifted. I am older and wiser. I know what I want and I know how to compromise. I am stronger in who I am than I have ever been and I know I can do long term again. I’m more than ready and I’m just wondering what it will take.

I’d love to hear from all the long term people out there. Or anyone in a relationship for 3 years or more. What has kept you together?

15 thoughts on “The new excitement of a personal relationship

  1. Hello from beautiful Montana:

    I am in my wonderful home office living my dream and my husband and best friend is in the living room taking two hours to read the newspaper from cover to cover. How irritating.

    We have been married 44 years and have been pretty darn happy and content most of that time. Now that he is retired and around more, he gets on more nerves a little, but then I remember when I went through menopause.

    Oh boy, was I a witch. He was so patient and kind and picked his battles and let most of my irrational ranting just slide off. So, I owe him big time.

    Now when I am writing away and the muse is in my heart and hands and the words are flowing and……………………..he comes in my office and says; “So, you want to go to Home Depot with me? We can get a taco for lunch.” I go.

    We know that we are fortunate, blessed and very, very, lucky. Also know we are commited to another 44 years of political debates (he is a gun owning, conservative Republican and I am a liberalDemocrat) and sharing souls and lives.

    The secret: Commitment. No matter what, we are best friends and spouses forever.

    My wish for you is the same.

    Love,

    Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

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  2. Hello Diane, My Sister!

    It’s great to hear that you are sharing time, energy and experiences that are mutually enjoyable. Everybody knows the feeling of “new” love…the excitement it brings; the pitter-patter of the heart when you think of him, the stomach jitters when he’s near, the anxious anticipation of what the future will hold for the pair of you.

    I say, it is that anticipation that gets us in trouble; starting to plan and expect rather than enjoy what is – “moment living.” Sure, we have to fight the urge to hope that what you have will remain, but it is a setup for disappointment, because nothing and nobody remain the same; we all have good, bad and ugly.

    I believe that a more realistic expectation is to always be in “learner mode,” allowing your mate to teach you more about who he is without judgment. You’ll learn who you’re dealing with a lot quicker and be able to gauge how much you’re willing to flex to keep what you’ve got.

    If you automatically click with an individual, thank nature – the powers that be – for naturally bringing somebody to you who complements you. Nature’s smarter than we are 🙂

    In the beginning of a relationship that you choose to be in, it’s always good. If you simply enjoy it with no expectations, mandates or judgments then you also give it permission to organically evolve – developing or dissolving. Enjoy it for what it is, today.

    Every relationship is different and because you and this man are just getting to know each other, nobody else will know better than the pair of you how to allow the natural progression of your together-ness.

    I would take other people’s opinions about the longevity of their relationships with a grain of salt 🙂

    Lovingly,
    Zara Green

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  3. first i love the title THE EXCITEMENT OF A NEW PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP. i desire to say CONGRATULATIONS on your new relationship. the work starts now in your life because you are older, wiser, more attuned to YOUR TRUTH, so now you have the opportunity to share your truth in your BEINGNESS with your new partner.

    i would love to share MY TRUTH with you. i desire for my partner Iwona for her to feel my love as if it were the last time i would ever see her. which for me means that i wouldn’t have time for the DUMB STUFF and enjoy her for who she is.

    for me MY TRUTH says LOVE has NO OBLIGATIONS, NO CONDITIONS, NO REQUIREMENTS, just PURE FREEDOM. and i desire to say right here right now, i haven’t MASTERED this but i am practicing everyday with her. and to MASTER LOVE one must PRACTICE LOVE.

    our relationship is 2 years plus. we have an adorable son who is now 13 months old. so we haven’t made it 3 years plus yet, but each day that goes by is another day closer to our goal which is the COMMUNION OF OUR SOULS TOGETHER.

    long term or short term is a matter of CHOICE. if one desires a long term relationship there are certain choices one will make and if short term relationships are what one desires, then again one will make certain choices. and there is no right or wrong or better or worse, there is only CHOICE.

    i pray the both of you enjoy your journey and stay away from the war of the minds and commit to the journey of YOUR HEARTS.

    peace n love, drepenba xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  4. Hey there Diane.
    Looks like you’ve got the thrills and chills of an early romance on your hands. Isn’t it funny how we get what we’re looking for and all of the sudden want to know the how the story ends?
    It’s great to know how to make someone laugh. Being there and deeply appreciating that all is truly well, without anything having to be different in the event that he does experience a down time, is what will keep things on an even keel.
    It sounds like you’re trying to ‘make things happen’. Relax a little bit and let it unfold. Address your own anxieties about moving the ball down the court.
    I used to be the same way.
    I’ve written a book due out in mid December “Create and Attract the Relationship of Your Dreams”. If I do say so, it’s a powerful book where I teach how to get out of your own way. I did the work, got clear and am now ridiculously happily married to the most incredible man on the planet. Three years now.
    You deserve to be ridiculously happy with your love mate. And I hope that it keeps evolving into that for you!

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  5. Thanks for your comments everyone.

    Judy that is so gorgeous… 44 years! May you enjoy the next 44 and remain in love always.

    Zara I definitely thanked God. Thank you for your message.

    Nanette – Good luck with the book. I’ve spent the last 8 years getting clear but I have been known to get in my own way… not in love… but definitely in life (I’m in my own way right now, which is probably why I’m a little unfocused and stuck – thanks for the reminder!!!!)

    Dre I love this line “i wouldn’t have time for the DUMB STUFF and enjoy her for who she is.” I definitely love what you and Iwona have… and I hope to meet her soon too! 🙂 Thanks for the song!

    I just wanted to say I am not looking to “make things happen” or wonder what will happen…

    I wanted to get across how easy it is as the beginning and how working at it and being there in the long term is harder.

    How many times do we congratulate people when they have been together for 8 years and say “well done!” or how much encouragement is there to keep loving each other after 15 years… there is loads of encouragement for the newly-in-loves but what about those who commit to be together for years.

    Also I guess the background is missing for everyone in terms of the commitment we have made to each other 😉

    My commitment is to celebrate with anyone that tells me they have been with their partner for years because I remember that all I would get when I told people how long I had been with my now ex-husband was “10 years… wow… not sure I could do that!”

    Not great in terms of future programming LOL

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  6. When a relationship is brand new, it easy and natural to feel elation, euphoria and stimulation. Because it’s new and our expectations are hjgh and our optimism is through the roof.

    After a while, the warts start coming out. They can steal the intensity of those feelings. That might take one date or it might take a few years. But it will happen.

    Recognizing that this will happen gives us an edge up. We can take steps to manage the warts.

    I have been happily partnered with a beautiful, intelligent woman for 7 years. We are getting legally married next month and we expect to spend our remaining days together. We also expect that we will have differing views (she’s a Democrat and I’m not for example)

    Our relationship is built on RESPECT. Physical relations are wonderful. Social relations are great. Family relations are pretty good. But RESPECT is the key to any relationship and to it’s longivety.

    The standard definition of respect holds but it is also an acronym:

    Religious presence and compatibility
    Expectations – reviewing and keeping real
    Specify your needs, your desires, your expectations and your no no’s
    Perform – work your plan and work this acronym every day
    Emotions – watch and manage with respect for one another
    Communication – during the day every day (talking and listening!)
    Trust – the key to any successful relation

    Each of these has a lot of work behind them – a lot of knowledge to achieve a long lasting relationship. And it is worth every single minute spent working it and enjoying it.

    I wish you the very best that God has in store for you.

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  7. Hi Diane,

    My advise to you is simple, enyoy the moment and since you already know what you want, believe me, it will work.

    Please don’t make the mistake and think that you “must” always cook what he wants because you now want to do that.

    Remember you cannot change others. Don’t try to do that either. Respect each other and keep being authentic.

    Be honest and respect each other’s thinking even when it happens to be different than what you would have want it to be . Have confidence in each other and you will live a harmonius life together.

    I met my partner 21 years ago when I just turned 39 and in less than a year our first son was born and within two years we had two sons. They are now 20 and 18 years old now.

    The things I mentioned are the kind of formula we manage to keep a healthy relationship on. Now we are prepairing to soon live our life without having our children around us in the same house and we talk to each other whenever we have the time to relax and have a glas of wine and talk about our selves and our plan for the future.

    Other than this in between we live and enjoy life and give each other the space to be yourself and keep your own friends and do other things on your own too.
    I mean not all my friends are my husbands friends. I don’t let his feelings about somebody determine my friendship with that person. My own feeling counts for me. I don’t expect his aproval to everything I want to do. And the same counts the other way around.

    Ok Diane, These are my advices to you. Just enjoy the nice feelings you have now and don’t worry to much about how things will go later.You know what you want. EnJoy life NOW!!!!!!!

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  8. Alan and I met when I was 15 and he was 23. Everyone said it would never last. But we made a COMMITMENT to each other. We decided that the relationship is more important than the argument;mthat our relationship was first priority above the kids (they would grow up and leave and we would still be there) and we realised that everything worth having is worth fighting for.
    We celebrate 40 years in March. We have two kids and two grandkids and after 25 years we did it all again (we always said if we felt the same about each other after 25 years we would!) – actually it is even better. We work together, too. So we are together more than we are apart.
    Is it always easy? No. But is it worth it? Definitely!

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  9. 23 years ago, I met T. He exploded into my life, and I felt a connection I had not felt in all my 40 years.
    When we started sharing a home, I was adamant I would not marry – this incredible feeling just could not last, it felt far too precious and somehow delicate.
    Each day I marvelled at how my heart jumped when he walked into the room. Surely this was teenager stuff, not serious, getting married stuff.
    So I settled for enjoying each day, and not worrying too much about how long we would be so enchanted with each other.
    Then he asked me to marry him. And something shifted.
    I suddenly just knew that I wanted to grow old with him.
    The moment of our marriage vows was the most intense of my life.
    That was 20 years ago; a huge amount has happened since then, and our differences have been tested. We’ve both changed – me more than him.
    But yesterday he supported me through a difficult dental procedure, wrapped me with love and his big strong arms, cuddled e to sleep in bed – and I knew that love, that attraction, that connection, that so long ago seemed so delicate and fragile, is now strong and flexible like the threads in a spider’s web.
    This is what happened for me, Diane. (and, as a recovering control freak, it still amazes me that , in this most important decision, and long before I knew about “letting go”, I did just that!)

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  10. Orval I love your acronym – thank you for sharing that with us and Deana you too talked about respect and honesty being important – that has definitely shone through.

    Jan your story is amazing. At 15 many people will say you dont know what you want but you’ve obviously proved them wrong!

    Shelagh thank you for sharing that. Its exactly how it was for me. I walked in and met him and there was a connection that I still can’t explain!

    Ultimately the only moment is now and that’s what I intend to enjoy and I’ll you let you know what happens 20 years from now 🙂

    My thanks to you all for your heartfelt comments

    stay blessed
    Diane

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  11. I have been with my partner for 14 years and there is still fire. The attraction is still strong for both of us – both mentally and physically. We are both so busy that we almost need to schedule in that special time. Intimacy is important .. and I don’t mean just sex – but being close..

    I believe communication is the key. I can share just about everything I am feeling.. and I have been more honest than with any previous partner – I feel no guilt and I have no major secrets.. it is all out there and I am incredibly comfortable with this.

    We both feel enormous respect for one-another. We share similar (almost identical) values. My partner is kind, sensitive, thoughtful and compassionate and wouldn’t hurt a fly (and adores animals). I love that. i don’t particularly like the term “soul mates” but there is something different for me here – I have never lost interest.

    Sure, it is natural to feel attraction for others and we say that’s OK – I just don’t want to know about it in detail but to know that it’s OK makes it easier. Also, we have gone through so much with one-another that attractions are fleeting – there is too much to lose now.

    It hasn’t all been easy – there has been awful times but we have got through each one and have become stronger in our partnership. We are a team. But there has never infidelity .. I respect my partner too much. I could never have an affair and lie about it.

    Randa

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  12. I’ve been in a tumultuous relationship for—well, I can’t count the years. At first it was all so new and exciting. Oh, how my heart would race when we were together! I felt so alone and unconnected when we were apart, so I began rising earlier in the morning, skipping sleep at night so we could spend more time together. Every day was an adventure, learning new things, playing games, having fun.

    But that euphoria didn’t last long. As time went on, the relationship became more and more work. I found the time we spent together required more effort, took more patience. It seemed every day there was a new issue to work through. Many times I came to the breaking point and wanted to throw in the towel, but promises were made..”I’ll make it better!”…so I stayed, hoping this time it really would get better.

    But it was lies, all lies.

    Today, I no longer have hope. I know things will never get better. There will never be an end to the issues. Nothing ever really gets fixed, just patched up till the next blowout. And yet I stay—perhaps because I have so much invested. All I know is, if I had life to live over, I would never get involved with Windows. I’d go straight to Mac.

    Bonnie Boots invites you to join her in her love/hate relationship with the internet

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  13. Hi Diane,

    Congratulations on the new relationship and especially on the new feeling of excitement 🙂

    I met Dre when I was 21 and he was 55, I never felt any age difference between us at all but he does have more life experience. I am not naive, he is not taking advantage of me.
    My mum is 1 year younger than my partner and I LOVE IT, she doesn’t and that was enough to let the family go.
    Dre and I is my priority no matter what is going on outside of US. We work together every day and help each other to surrender to the real US. It has always been very effortless to create romance every day, to see each other as friends first, to respect the differences, to work through issues, to see Dre in Dre and to celebrate our love that grows deeper and deeper every day.
    The challenge for me lies in controlling the ego and the mind as they like to have their way but that’s not hard neither. At the end of the day we don’t need words to communicate, our souls do the work!
    We are ALWAYS together and we hate being apart and I’ve had this feeling since day 1. We’re like two kids that can’t ever get enough of each other and our hearts are fluttering.
    The new excitement feeling is always in the air as there is always something new to discover about us !

    hope to meet you soon too

    love, iwona.

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  14. Randa – thanks for sharing.

    It was thanks to Randa that I created this blog post after the two of us had a skype conversation about being in love!

    Bonnie – crazy as ever…. that was funny!

    Iwona it’s great to meet you on here at least. Thank you for powerfully sharing about your relationship with Dre. I love that you hate to be apart 🙂

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  15. Hey Diane,
    Congratulations on your new relationship!

    As for advice., I don’t know if I have any, but..well, let’s just say that this is my insight that I’ve gained so far in my relationship. I have been married only two and a half years, but I’ve known my hubby for six years and the great majority of that time before we were married was a long-distance relationship across the Atlantic from each other 🙂 What I learned from the beginning was patience in this relationship. Many times I just wanted us to be together right then and I wanted us to be at some undetermined point down the road already. Well the distance and governmental red tape help me learn to be patient and to take our growing relationship one day at a time and I’m glad it did. We grew stronger and closer because we knew we had found who we wanted to be with and we were willing to do anything to be together.

    So now that we are married and able to be together, that patience comes in handy, especially when I have to ask him to do something fifty times. LOL. We are in it for the duration and I hope it can be like Goldie and Kurt and last and last and last 🙂

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